if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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