Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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