Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
