my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
