I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
