That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
