garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
