He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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