On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
