There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
