when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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