I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
