I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
