I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
