Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize