Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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