I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
