Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
