My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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