There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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