gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
