Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
