you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
