I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
