We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
