I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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