You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
