Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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