Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
