I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
