I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
