I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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