if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
