I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
