It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
