Three words: puerto rican gang bang
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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