I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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