Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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