my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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