He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
