Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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