I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
