You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
