Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
