We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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