He uses pillows to masturbate.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
