i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
