Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize