I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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