I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
