I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
