yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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