she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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