i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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