the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
