Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
