Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
