I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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