Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
