Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
