Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
