I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
