Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
