haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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