I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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