Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
