Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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