you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
