I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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