I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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