OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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