My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
