i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
