You work out of a Hotel?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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