That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
