i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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